The 10 Commandments of Roofing-

and how to sin against them and get away with it.

I am ROOFUS- the little known and so-so powerful roof God. I have come to speak to you because you only think of me when I send my little reminders-rain. I have watched and sat idly by while you trimmed trees, manicured lawns and bushes, paved your roads and improved the air conditioners, leaving no monies for the care and wellbeing of the one thing that truly protects you from the elements. Yeah, verily I say unto you- there were multiple roofers and consultants and manufacturers and the poor innocent facility manager became overwhelmed and under-supported. In the midst of all of all the turmoil and fuss, I brought many days of rain to clean the land and reduce the number of roofs and dwellings- in the hopes that the fragmented roofing industry would unite. But Satan and the profits (not prophets) caused further consternation and left the consumer swimming, both physically and mentally. In the vacuum, I learned there were 10 inevitable things that happen in roofing, which I will not codify anywhere but here for your amusement:

1. The customer will only call the roofer when facing an inspection-whether that inspection is by the City, District Manager, Condo Board, or just a visiting relative.

2. After the roofer has inspected and given a quote, the owner will inevitably remember that he/she must have three bids, raise or reduce the scope of work, get a consultant, or something significant that renders that quote obsolete.

3. The customer will never read the contract-no, not ever.

4. The customer will never read the warranty- until the roof leaks. (First corollary-there’s no such thing as an NDL).

5. Like gun laws, there is a mandatory waiting period even after the client decides that the quote is reasonable and the roofer is qualified-this period is known as “drought.”

6. Once the customer signs the contract a new period will begin-this time is known as “rainy season.”

7. As the roofer puts the new roof system on, the client and consultant must ask why the roof is still leaking.

8. In order to ensure customer satisfaction is maintained at a peak level, the roofer must paint cars, leave materials on the roof, throw garbage and refuse off of the roof, or something that no one would really ever do. It’s just a ploy so the Owner appreciates the good work the other 99% of the time.

9. Once the new roof is on, someone close to the decision maker will question the efficacy of the roof-type installed, saying things like, “My friend’s roof like that one fell on him in the tub after 3 months.”

10. No matter how many potential problems the Owner could avoid by starting the new roof under a Preventive Maintenance Plan, none will be implemented until the manufacturer threatens to revoke their warranty.

These are the sins of which I accuse all of you in the industry. But being a happy-go-lucky and forgiving roofing God, I will now take the time to show you the path to make you and your roof friends again. Much like the end times, I see a future where the consultant will lay down with the roofer, and the customer will rule over all. I do not wish to send you all into the desert, where there are no roofs so that you would appreciate all that you have. I see no point in putting you through a time of tribulation, sending plague after plague of leaks and estimators to your door with offerings of KOPPERs, Urecoats, and myrrh.

So in order that ye may all see the power that you have right in your own possession, the abilities you have to reason and make sound choices, I will now guide you down the path of complete and total roof righteousness. Follow these 10 Commandments and ye shall have the closest thing to an everlasting roof- one that actually outlives its warranty.

1. Preventive Maintenance for your roof is the one truth that is valid for all roofs- thou shalt put no maintenance before a small amount for the roof (after all-pennies per square foot can save you thousands over the years.)

2. Thou shalt not take the name of Preventive Maintenance in vain, saying that you are doing preventive maintenance by asking members of your inexperienced and unauthorized maintenance staff perform tasks that will neither add years to the life of the roof nor stop your immediate problems. Get thee a certified roofing contractor.

3. Remember to keep the roof inspections holy, by performing them at least once per year, in order that ye may know all of the potential weaknesses of the roof system and thus be able to budget for their eventual repair in time such that no replacement will be necessary until the very last.

4. Honour thy roof with at least a minimal budget for repairs, that it may be longlived upon the land.

5. Thou shalt not kill thy roof. How? By ignoring it- simply replacing it without checking the options-or by getting an unlicensed contractor to do repairs- thus endangering the lives of those living or working underneath.

6. Thou shalt not commit roofing adultery. What is this? That’s when you don’t take the time to establish long term relationships with one or two certified roofing contractors, thus leaving yourself open to the “take the money and run” opportunities that many “fly-by-night” roofing contractors seek.

7. Thou shalt not steal from your roofing contractor- this is avoided by understanding that he is providing a valuable service and his time is worth money (i.e. it’s OK to negotiate for a better price- but be reasonable-after all- you don’t want him cutting corners based on a lower negotiated price). Likewise ROOFUS has no patience for roofing contractors that take customers’ money and fail to provide “complete” service. You are spending a good dime and you should get good value for it! You as the customer have many rights under the law to protect you (therefore my contractors must be licensed and certified) so know your rights and don’t let my contractors rob you- particularly of satisfaction.

8. Thou shalt not bear false witness against the roofing contractor by accusing him of window leaks, Air Conditioning problems and repeat leaks that are in different locations (i.e. NOT repeat leaks). The roofing contractor should be able to properly identify the source of the problem, and be able to work with you’re A/C contractor to resolve who is the responsible party. In any event, please know that if you repeatedly call the roofer to examine non-roof related leaks you may get a bill for his time.

9. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s roof- because each roof is different. Be happy with your roof by performing regular Preventive Maintenance- then watch the others covet your small roofing budget!

10. The true key to happiness is found in maintaining the roof that you have in 90% of the cases. Establishing long-term, special relationships with one or two contractors will give you the strategic edge and allow you to minimize your roof budget while adding years to the life expectancy of your roof.

Yes my ever-growing and building flock- surely you see the wisdom and will no longer follow the golden calf that leads to a rusty, dirty old and nasty roof that requires replacement.